The first time I experienced a writer’s block is when, during business writing course, I was asked to write an essay about my experiences and tactics to deal with a writer’s block. I was first surprised about my sudden and totally new inability to write, then I become furious, running around my laptop, raising my arms and moaning that this assignment is sooo not fair.
Lucky for me, I soon realized what is happening to me, and sat down and wrote an essay about my inability to write an essay about a writer’s block.
Never again in my life I had this experience. I can write about any topic, and I can do it in any emotional state. I can write when I am sad, angry, excited, calm, focused. I wrote some of my personal blog entries when I could hardly see the laptop screen through tears. At my previous work, I could be writing about a revenue recognition on a contract (yes, I am a CPA, CGA, and a weaver too), while fuming with fury about how other parties involved were going to treat that contract (so, so wrong, those people).
But it is not the case with weaving. I can’t weave when I am upset. I can’t weave when I am depressed or annoyed. We are not even talking about deeper shades of these emotions. No, I live in a weaver’s slump most of the time, and even a minor emotional disturbance can make a day void of weaving.
It does not help that I am still recovering from emotional and physical burnout I got at my corporate job. It does not help that I am just coming out of 5 years of near clinical depression, and I live with the generalized anxiety disorder. (And no, I am not self-diagnosed, in case you’re wondering).
Going to my loom and weaving takes a balanced state of mind and a willpower. Yes, I am happy when I weave; it is just jumping over a hurdle of going to the loom, winding the bobbins and pirns, adjusting the warp tension and then generally bracing myself for the slow progress of making a cloth I find so hard to do.
And that’s my weaver’s slump that I wanted to write about. Writing about it helps. Managing my mental state helps. Reminding myself that I am in control of what and how much I weave helps. Weaving beautiful things helps. All these little things.
It took me more than a couple of months to realize why the joy of weaving is gone, and a couple of more months to figure out what I need to do to fix it. It will take me some more time to implement all the safeguards I want to have my joy of weaving staying with me.
And to end this post, did you know that “tomorrow” in Japanese is written with kanji meaning “bright day”? Isn’t it an awesome perception to have, to think of tomorrow as a bright future?